Crouching Beauty; Hidden Worship and Art Auction Update

It’s Late on Monday but it is Monday!  Whew Hew and God bless you!!

I want to talk to my ladies today. (Men folks, we will talk about y’all next week. Hang there with me this week ok?) It took me a long time to write because I ran around like a nut this weekend!  But……here it is from my heart to yours.

Gen 1:27

So God created man in his [own] image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.

Women we have lost the purpose of our beauty.  (And hear me, every woman is beautiful!!) Our beauty is meant to be a reflection of the beauty of God.  We are meant to call people back into remembrance of God’s gentleness, grace, love, passion,  sweetness, care, etc.  We are mobile monuments to His heart.

That being said, Why is it that so many women hide their beauty?  I’m guilty too.  I wore supper baggy clothes throughout most of my high school years; overate frequently; never learned to wear make up; and dressed horribly for my body type for a long time.  I was hiding and suspect that I am not alone.  I knew that men were attracted to beauty and women were jealous of it.  So I hid; I crouched in hopes that if I did not shine at all, somehow I would be treated with respect and not lust; acceptance and not competition.  All my hiding never worked.  And if you are hiding, in weight; in clothing; in food; in horrible men or whatever, it won’t work fo you either.  (You always get what you fear.  Ask yourself, “Is what I’m doing making the situation any better?”)  I was running from lust and rejection but guess what kept coming to me,…lust and rejection because I was unintentionally building my life around them by changing me, neglecting me, anything me to avoid them.  They were my focus.  When I began to focus on the beauty of God’s holiness.  He began by restoring mine.

He showed me that my beauty was not to be ignored, crouched down, or destroyed.  He wants us to be beautiful and to remember that other folk’s reactions to you belong to them not us.  That is their stuff.  It is on their plate let them eat it.  Stop choking on the negative looks, comments, body language, treatment and biases.  Stop trying to crouch down and be less beautiful than you are.  Be You To the Fullness  (Bea u ti ful, get it? :-))  When you are you, the fullness of you (Skinny you, Curvaceous you, Fat you, Tall you, Tiny you, Dark you, Pale you, just You you), you bring God glory and that is the essence of worship.  See our beauty, embraced and cherished by us, as a reflection of God is a hidden form of worship.  (Now hold up heretic hunters, I am not saying worship ourselves but instead thank the Giver for the gift and take care of it.  Love His child because He does.) Love you, lady.  Honor His love for you by being good to you.  Appreciate what He calls beautiful.  No one should ever take a Master artist work and try to trash it. (Hint: God’s an artist, look at the Grand Canyon!  And He definitely put more love it to you than that breath-taking hole in the ground.)  Be good to His treasure and the earthen vessel that bares it.  Stop crouching and stand in the light intended for you.  Give Him glory.  Nelson Mandela said it this way:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our       light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

In the end if we deny our beauty.  We die to the full destiny of who we are created to be.  Be You To The Full!

(What does this have to do with singleness or married life.  If you are crouching as a single, you have not fully accepted the gift and if you are crouching as a married, you, the real you, is not in the relationship.)

I’m done with the soap box for this week.  I’m on to the men next week!

Art Auction Update:

Therosia raised a total of about $500 between online, private donations and the art auction.  She was invited to return the following month to another art show to display her work and perform poetry.  (Check her out at http://www.youtube.com/TrueTherosia ) The amount raised was only 1/3 of what was needed.  However, a grant of $500 for those denied financial aid was awarded to her by email on the day of the art auction bringing her up to $1000 and paying her classes off in total.  Praise Jesus!!!  God is on time because she starts classes tomorrow!

The remaining 1/3 is to pay for books.  So keep praying for her and if you want to continue to promote or donate; her website for donations is: http://www.youcaring.com/fundraiser_details?fundraiser_id=7383&url=therosiastuition .

 

God bless. No stress.  Feel free to comment.  See you all next Monday and thank you for reading.  Have a great week!!

Life, Love and Learning to You,

Good

Good Friends and Art Auction Update

Top of the Monday To ya! (That’s for my Irish folks, love ya fam. Yes, I’m Irish and everything else. lol)

What about your friends?  How long has it been since you spent a good few hours just talking and laughing with a table of friends?  For me, it had been a minute but yesterday after church, some friends and I got together to go over the art auction to raise funds for Therosia’s tuition this semester.  We laughed and talked until we shut 2 different establishments down.  It’s like it says in

Pro 17:22

A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

It was just so good to laugh and talk and remember and be silly with people who I absolutely enjoy!  I pray that for you.  I pray that God gives you people who you absolutely enjoy and that you are healthy enough to enjoy them while being the true you God created you to be.  I pray that you have a great laugh today and that your heart flows with great joy that is infectious to those around you.  I pray that you laugh until you cry and your side hurts with a silly and merry heart that maintains it’s respect for others and true dignity of respect for self.  God bless you to enjoy life this week.

This life can be so hard and so serious but the love and joy that God wants us to have in Him, is indeed the medicine.  It is a part of our lives as singles and marrieds, that we reach beyond the confines of our home and connect with brothers and sisters who become extended family; to cry with us, to stand with us and definitely to laugh with us.  (Remember, however, that the rejection that we may encounter in the process, is a good thing.  It removes those who are not meant to share in our lives.  Say thank you to God for those who walk away just as much for those who stay.)  Have joy!

Art Auction Update:

The Auction is going forward as planned!  So excited.  We have live music from various artists with a jazz/hip hop fusion set.  Live poetry by Therosia great food, a raffle and more will all be in the building.  If you or someone you know will be in the Phoenix, AZ area please come out or help me promote the event.  There is also an online fundraiser for those who cannot attend but want to help at:

http://www.youcaring.com/fundraiser_details?fundraiser_id=7383&url=therosiastuition

Thank you so much for helping and praying.  God bless you all.

Dance a jig of joy for me and I will see you next Monday.

Life, love and Learning To You.

Single For Life?

It’s Monday!!! Yay 😀

This week I just want to go back and hit a point.  Single for Life sounds like a prison sentence but it is really a distinct journey that none can take except there is a gift within them to do so.

     ¹¹ But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given. ¹² For there are some      eunuchs, which were so born from their mother’s womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men:      and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it. Matt 19:11-12

My point is simple, singleness for life is a gift just like being married is a gift.  Christians often forget this fact and have a tendency to make singles feel incomplete, unworthy, unwelcome and to some extents suspect.  Between not so subtle “hints”; “accidental” and intentional setups; jealous married folks that grab their mates; odd bible quotes and questioning looks, a single can feel that the gift they enjoy is a shroud of shame.  (Which personally makes me want to scream in the middle of conversations, “I’m not interested in your man! I’m waiting for my own!” or “I’m waiting on Jesus! Are you Jesus?!” but honestly that would not be attractive. So I’m not going to have that moment.  Breath….Breath….. Breath….lol.)

For the church to be all we are called to be.  We must embrace all the gifts that are present within the body.  We cannot exalt marriage and demean singleness nor deify singleness and belittle marriage.  Each gift contributes to the whole.  (Let’s not forget that the ratios are unequal between men and women; therefore somebody is coming up short.  And whoever that is needs to be ok with that. “He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.”)  We must honor everyone’s journey and allow it to bless the body as a whole.

For singles who are called to singleness for life, that honor must begin with you.  No one can honor your gift if you hide it or doubt it.  Own your singleness!  There is great power and character in knowing that a relationship is not a goal.  It is admirable and encouraging to watch someone pursue Christ and Him alone.  So know your position and play it (i.e. stop flirting with the willing to do workers if you ain’t trying to work with them.  Be courageous.).  Be that!  All of it!

Note From Good:  If you are not sure if you have the permanent gift of singleness, commit this to prayer and counsel (Counsel of wise elders, Christian counselors, (true) ministers or pastors).  One can also take a brief walk through books such as Forever and Always by Dr. and Mrs. Tracy or Boundaries in Marriage by Cloud and Townsend to understand the demands of marriage and gauge whether or not you are even willing to give what it takes.  Remember singleness is a ministry to God but marriage is a ministry to God by ministering to His child in love.  Do some study and know the fullness of both lifestyles.  God will make it clear. I’m done.

Una sangre, Una sola familia! Todos Gentes! Besos! (One blood, One Family!  All People! Kisses!)

Life, Love and Learning to you,

Good

Your Story of Love (For singles and marrieds)

Happy Monday Funday to You!!

I am in love with stories!! Among my favorite stories to hear and witness are the stories of everyday people. I was talking to my mother this morning about the story of how she got here and mine.  There are some very painful parts and some very beautiful ones but that’s what makes a great story.  It occurred to me that every person has this story of love.  Every person was created in love.  (Yes, some circumstances around conception were not loving, i.e. rape, prostitution, molestation, one night stands, artificial insemination (not that this is like the former), etc.)

The fact is whatever our circumstances, there was love because even in an unwanted pregnancy or single parent pregnancy and even in attempted abortions; someone loved us enough for us to be here.  We are here because our circumstances could not override God’s desire to see you and I experience this life.  We are here and no amount of hurt, hate, halt, haughtiness or hindrance could stop us because the God of all the universe said, “Yes, this child of mine will live.  They shall come forth.”  What does that mean when some of us have experienced hurt, abandonment, hatred, isolation, confusion as a result of that gift of life?  How can we not resent Him for giving some of us lives we would have rather not endured?

We must learn to love our story and recognize it as a story of love.  Yes, sometimes painful but overall beautiful in its own unique way.  When Christ was walking out His earthly ministry, the story of His conception is beautiful but the aftermath is painful, and to some, disgraceful.  For the rest of Jesus’s and Mary’s life they (and the rest of their family) endured the stigma by many, of being seen as a wayward woman and a bastard child.  He was to many “illegitimate”; His mother was defiled and His adoptive farther, Joseph, was ridiculed.  Yet, there was love even the love that drove Him to the cross in humiliation and defeat to the ignorant eye but to the eye that saw the love story greater than all others unfolding, He was a knight rescuing and restoring His damsel’s honor and place.  It was not clear until the ressurrection and the fullness of His story is still not seen.  It is still unfolding, as is ours.  How do you see your story of love?  Are you looking at the middle saying that there is no hope for the end?

Note From Good:

I want to challenge myself and anyone who might read this to take off the goggles of dread this world places on our eyes.  Let us see our lives from an eternal perspective of love. I challenge us to read and  “know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose.” Romans 8:28 (KJV).  This scripture is immediate and generational.  Let us look at our story not only individually but as a link in a chain of generations (yes even if you do not intend to have children).  We must broaden our scope, so that we will be willing to endure the hardship in faith believing that we will secure a brighter tomorrow for the whole of the body of Christ and the world through our joys and our pains. Besides there is no such thing as a good story without some form of antagonism (Drama).

For singles who are struggling with singleness this means recognizing that this is the middle of the story not the end.  You will find your bride.  You husband will pursue you and the love will be sweeter for the struggle and delay (delayed gratification, look it up or google it).  For singles who are happy being single but still dealing with drama, this is an invitation to press into the victory that you already have over your own flesh and the criticism of narrow-minded folks (i.e. “It’s better to marry than to burn” quoters or “all the good ones gone be gone”. I say whatever with that cause if you jump and get the wrong one you gone get burned and if they’re gone by the time I get there, good it means less to weed out. Sorry that was a rant. My bad).

For married folks,  this means acknowledging that the hardships of marriage play an integral role in building a strong foundation of intimacy through commitment (“This is permanent” mindset). Also for married folks, the adventure of your love and romance needs to be found in the work to get back to each other everyday in the midst of chaos, ease and monotony of monogamy.  In the midst of folks making “additions” to their marriage because “one person can not satisfy”, your challenge is to have a love story full of valor, honor and courage.  That means sacrificing your selfish desires in order to give your family a security and trust that others may never know.

Enjoy your story of love and where you are allowed to write, write well.

Please hit me up, let me know about your story.

Have a great week.  Life, love and learning to you.

God bless, no stress,

Good 😀

Rejection; God’s Protection

Happy Monday Good People,

I pray your weekends were absotively posolutely wonderful :-D!  I want to make this short sweet and quick this week.

I was listening to a lady on a talk show give dating advice and her encouragement was to remember that “Rejection is God’s Protection.”

Her point was that instead of being discouraged and wounded by rejection we should be thankful to God.  It is God’s way of  protecting us from others who would be unappreciative of who we are.

This is not only true romantically but also spiritually, socially and economically.  When we are rejected in whatever arena it is, we need to see the hand of God saying, “No my child, this is not good for you.”

Romans 8:28 and Genesis 50:20 are great scriptural references for this principle.  Aight then, like I said short and snappy.  I hope this brightens some of your past hurt.  See them with the gratitude of recognizing how God is working even through the pain.

Life, Love and learning to you,

Good

Celibacy in the 21st century (part 1)

“Be not afraid of greatness. Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon ’em.” – William Shakespeare

“For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.” – Jesus Christ (Matthew 19:12)

To most people these two quotes are totally unrelated but there is more commonality than the rhythm of the words.  It is hard to be great and it is hard to remain celibate in our current climate of get all the sex you can get as quick as you can get it.  And….to remain celibate is this environment does make a great person.  It builds character and takes strong integrity and resolution.  It is not for the faint of heart.  (In other words no punks on this team.)

Actress Meagan Good, who has been long portrayed as a vixen and object of sexual desires recently married DeVon Franklin, Preacher and Vice President of Columbia Pictures.  It is reported that the couple abstained until their wedding night.  (Somebody read that and passed out.)  That is amazing! Especially when we consider the way Meagan Good has been sexualized.  She is a truly beautiful young woman but her beauty has been overshadowed many times by others sexual desires for her.  Then when we add to it that her, now husband, works in an industry where the “casting couch” is an accepted pillar for a career, the difficulty of their journey becomes more clear.  I am not saying that they are the greatest couple ever.  I don’t know them. But in this instance they have achieved something great.

I have spoken to other people who have maintained their virginity into their 30s. Some who have maintained it even longer and some who were virgins on their wedding nights.  That is no small task and had to be intentional.  However, I have read blogs by others and heard of instances of some who have made it into their 20s and 30s as virgins but by accident. They did not want to be celibate even after pursuing sexual encounters.  Does this make them great? Honestly no but they have still achieved a great feat without trying.  It is sad that most of the people who stumble into achieving such an accomplishment look on it with shame.  In an age where a lot of people are suffering the effects of promiscuity in silence and embarrassment, one would think that those who are free and clear of these issues would be happy to be excluded from the misery.  However, that is not so.

Does that mean that those who are not celibate or virgins cannot achieve greatness? No.  There are plenty of other great things one can do in life but this is a seriously overlooked aspect of life.

Unfortunately, sex has been demeaned into a base animalistic process that people see as a right rather than the privilege to touch another human being on a deeper sacred level.  Sex is beautiful.  It is good and it should be sacred.  The greatness of it lies not in the “climax” but in the intimacy, bonding and procreation.  Sex is intended to link two souls and produce monuments to God’s greatness in the form of wonderful children.  I won’t harp on the consequences of the wrong view of sex (at least not right now) because the beauty of what sex is meant to be is far more wonderful.  We should put that picture of the trust, intimacy, bonding, acceptance and faith that sex inside right perimeters produces at the forefront of our approach to our sexual lives.

The simple truth of how celibacy makes one great is wrapped up in this quote; “In reading the lives of great men, I found that the first victory they won was over themselves? self-discipline with all of them came first.” – Harry S. Truman.  Celibacy is first a battle against ourself.  Yes, the media, society, and stereotypes war against the idea of abstinence but the bigger fight is with oneself.  Abstaining is about overcoming the impatience and self-gratification of promiscuity to secure the foundations of relationships, families and our character.  It is no small or trifling goal.  It will contribute strongly to the greatness that we are all called to.  May we all receive this gift that we begin life with (even if we discarded or held it with disdain for a time) and view it in light of the greatness that it will bestow on our lives.

Note From Good: I strongly believe in and advocate for abstinence not just to avoid STDs or unwanted pregnancy.  I stand for celibacy because it can truly be a conduit for healing for those who have suffered sexual abuse.  It can also serve as a foundation for a trusting and pure relationship that is uncluttered by the hurriedness of lust. And…as a single whether for a season or permanently, it can help solidify the character of a Christian by removing some the possible compromise and abuse of others that we serve.  That being said, I believe in revealing my own personal axes to grind in anything I stand for; I am currently a 33-year-old virgin.  That has not been easy.  I have been sexualized by men and women since I was 9 years old.  I have had multiple attempts to rape, molest and seduce me.  I have had men and women target my virginity.  That is painful to write but it is true.  To those who are virgins because others would not sleep with you, I secretly envy you because I have been told since I was nine that all I was desired for was sex.  I got slapped with the label sexy and have been trying to escape it ever since.  I hated it because it did not mean love.  It meant lust (booty, a**, freak, hookup, etc.).  It meant I was not precious enough to be valuable to a man so that he would not violate my trust.  Frankly, I still struggle with trusting men and women because of it.  Yes, I feel I have achieved a great feat but the way here was hellacious.  So that’s my nakedness.  Hope I didn’t offend anyone with this post and if I did, I am sorry for the offense.  I promise that I meant no disrespect.  I stand by the heart of this post but I cannot control how it is taken.

Alrighty then folks, I’m dippin until next monday.  Life, Love and Learning to you.  God bless and no stress,

Good

Let’s Talk About Ex

Good Monday To You Good People,

This week I want to talk about Exes.  It is crazy how many of us have exes that we see with rose-colored glasses.  Yet there are also others that we remember with pure disdain. Neither view is healthy.  (Why am I bringing this up? Answer: Whether we are married or single how we view our ex(es) affects our current and/or future relationships.)

Remembering our old relationships with only beautiful visions is usually a lie and it sets up other relationships for comparison, manipulation and inadequate feelings because no one can live up to a fantasy memory.  That can be extremely frustrating and belittling to a partner.  It can also be depressing for us.  When we hold on to an unreal expectation we are setting ourselves up for failure.  So the whole “my ex was Superman, Martin Luther King Jr, and Mr. Universe all in one” fantasy ain’t cute.

Another unattractive view of our ex(es) is bitterness.  (I know you’re not bitter; you’re better but, if you are still talking about it while gritting your teeth, you’re bitter.) Bitterness toward an ex or exes is toxic.  Bitterness is always toxic.  It changes our view, not just of that person, but all people and life.  It skews our vision because we see with our hearts as well as our eyes.  In order to stay bitter we must continue to regurgitate and rechew the emotions and the issues over and over.  The whole process of bitterness is exhausting (and secretly disgusting, even to ourselves).  This spills over into every aspect of life and we begin preemptively defending ourselves against imagined emotional dangers; unintentionally becoming the thing we fear.

So what is the right view our ex(es)?  Honesty and gratitude.  1st, we broke with that person or they broke up with us for a reason. (May not have been a good one if they broke up with us because we are just a notch below perfect, lol.)  It would serve us well to remember what happened (not grudgingly just honestly).  We must forgive whatever happened and forgive ourselves (and yes we usually need to forgive ourselves even if it is just for letting it happen).  In order to forgive we have to first acknowledge the full truth and work through it in prayer.  Forgiveness is letting go of the drama and the poison.  2nd, we need to be thankful for our ex(es) (Yes I really mean thankful. Crazy sounding right).  Gratitude is the mark of completion for any experience.  We are grateful when we have forgiven and learned the appropriate lessons.  Every person we meet has a lesson to teach us, even the abusive ones (Not that I am encouraging abusive relationships cause that’s not attractive).   When a relationship ends our examination of that relationship with honesty and prayer should lead us to a place of thankfulness through introspection (or checkin yoself before you wreck yoself again).  That thankfulness gives us a positive outlook on relationships and life because we see that the bad can be used for good (Romans 8:28-30).  The lessons and gratefulness are proof that we have chosen to see God’s sovereignty in our lives (Gen 50:20) and receive His gifts over satan’s poisons.

Exes are a part of the history that built us into better people but we can only become better by being honest and appreciative.   So we  need to be the fullness of us with our past healed and our hearts open to the good things God has in store for us.

Alrighty then lovely people, Love, life and learning to you until next week.  God bless,

Good

Jealousy Juice

Happy Memorial Day People!

I hope you enjoyed the weekend.  Thank you to all those who have sacrificed their lives to secure our freedom and those who are currently risking their lives.  God bless you all.

So for today’s post I will start by telling the story of my adventure in the supermarket on Sunday.  I went to my local grocery store to get garlic for my burgers (The burgers were great!  Pesto, Basil, Tapanade and garlic on Foccacia bread.  Sharp cheddar cheese with grilled onion, zucchini and mushroom on a bed of romaine lettuce.  All topping a 100% organic beef patty with barbecue marinade. I did my thang!).   While in the store I noticed an eye-catching sight.  There at the end of the aisle was a beautiful curvaceous young lady wearing nearly inappropriate outfit.  She was with a very tall and handsome man who had a wannabe pimp (without any sense) energy.  As I came to the end of the aisle, the man lagged back so that the lady passed me first and there was space between he and she.  The man proceeded to try to make contact with me while his girlfriend was unaware.  I pretended not to see him or hear him.  When I was leaving, this couple was leaving as well.  I immediately stood still and acted like I was thinking about something.  The couple passed me again and there was this “these folks is crazy” feeling.  I turned my back to them and when they were further away I proceeded, but the guy again had lagged back.  I acted like I didn’t see him again and then the girlfriend snaps her head around (like a severe exorcist scene) to try to catch the guy and I speaking but there was nothing to catch on my part.  So she shot him this evil look and he hurried to catch up with her.  I slowed up and let that ball of drama get out of my way (Lord knows I ain’t trying to fight in ANY parking lot!).  Then I went home to enjoy my burger.

I tell this story not to make fun of this couple because it is truly sad.  This story is not unusual.  Whether you are single or married, male or female, young or old, you have had to deal with this situation.  This incident reveals a much deeper issue.  A lot of people (not just women but people) drink that juice called jealousy.  When we drink jealousy juice we are poisoning ourselves.  That young man was indeed a cheater and the young lady had every right to mistrust him (no doubt he had earned it).  However, her outfit said she had lost all her self-respect in her pursuit of “love”.  But what she had was not love because it was so tainted with mistrust, insecurity, selfishness and betrayal that it stank.  Yet there she was trying to defend her none existent relationship (She may have been in a relationship but he wasn’t and it was obvious!).  She was drinking that jealousy juice.  The main ingredients in jealousy juice are fear and the thought that someone can take what is our only hope.  The truth was and is she was not with the right man; she should not have feared losing that man because he was not her only hope for love.  She could not see that and made herself look pretty crazy.  (The young man is awholenother issue to be addressed in a different post.)

We need to translate this truth to the other areas of life.  We need to recognize that our fear of losing our position, power, status or whatever are toxic.  And that whatever it is; it is not our last hope.  We (and that young lady) cannot fear losing nor can we think that someone will take our only hope.  God is the only “only hope” and no one can take Him away from us; but Him, and He died and rose again just to have us close to Him.  So nothing can take our only hope.  Anything else, if lost will work out for our good (like that girl losing that guy would be great for her; it would make room for a real man in her life).  But some of the major side effects of Jealousy juice are blindness, crippling drama, out of control emotions and something that I call “moral erosion”.  In other words this juice blinds us to the truth of ourselves and others; puts us in the middle of drama so deep that we have hard time living and a harder time leaving; makes us rage like roids; and wears down our integrity (morals) until we are doing the unthinkable to maintain something or someone we should really let go (because it is or they are quietly killing us).

In short, get off the Jealousy Juice by drinking the new wine of worship in the Holy Spirit and letting go of anything or anyone who you have to drink jealousy juice to deal with.  (Oh and get you some water (word) baby, please to flush out the negative.)  Aight folks, I’m done until next monday.  God Bless you with Him.

Life, Love and Learning to ya,

Good

The “Gift” of Singleness

But he said to them, “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given.  For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.” Matthew 19:11&12 (ESV)

To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am.  I Corinthians 7:8 (ESV)

Shalom,

Often these passages are waved in the faces of singles to teach the “gift” of singleness.  The problem is that it is normally married people teaching this (while they have a mate).  Singles are told that being single gives them greater freedom, time and passion to pursue a relationship with Christ.  This is all true but at times even with a strong love for God, singleness does not feel like a gift.  Whether one is called to singleness for a season or a lifetime, loneliness can creep in.  So is singleness really a gift and how does one face the isolation without resenting it?

The answer is a perspective change.  Not everyone wants a mate and in those cases the gift of singleness is obvious  (I applaud these people, it is a true gift) but along the spectrum of other circumstances and desires the gift can be more obscure and confusing.  Singleness is not a typical gift.  The generosity of God is not as evident in it.  What makes singleness a gift is not what we can accomplish in our singleness nor what we can gain; singleness is a gift because it is meant to be received.  The same way a mate is a gift to be received and grown with, singleness should be accepted and grown with as well.  Not only as a Christian but being unmarried grows us up as men and women.

I Corinthians 7:32-34 says, “He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord” and in the average message this scripture is used to direct saints to use this time to focus on the Lord.  This is absolutely right.  I want to add that in order to truly receive this gift our focus on God must lead us to a transforming introspection the same way marriage does.  When two people marry, they become a part of God’s process to develop the other into the fullest and best of their true selves.  God uses singleness in the same way but more intensely because in singleness Christ is our only Beloved.  While singles use their time of solitude to know God; if they are open, God uses that time to heal, perfect and love them.   If we receive this time as a gift of intimacy with Christ rather than a sentence to solitary confinement and are open to Him in it, we can be introduced to our true identity in Messiah Jesus Christ, to become it.  This is the gift of singleness. Whether temporary or permanent, it is not a gift because of the accomplishments or prizes.  The gift of singleness is receiving the full truth of who we are meant to be and becoming it.  It is receiving God in us.

Note from Good:  The truth is no matter how much of a super saint we may be, we will from time to time struggle with loneliness but that doesn’t mean we should jump and get married or date someone (including the exes whose numbers we just can’t seem to lose. Put it down and back away from the phone.). When craving for connection seems to be turning on us what we need to do is see it for what it is…our humanity.  It is normal.  We are meant to have connection.  Reach out to good strictly plutonic friends and family.  Spend some time with yo folks and get some pure good love.  It will help.  Mostly during these times we should all reach for stronger connection to Christ and to self.  Very few people recognize that loneliness or longing for intimacy is a symptom that we are not connected to who we are.  Intimacy or into me see should be individual as well as relational.  After all we cannot share ourself if you don’t know who we are.

For me personally that meant recognizing that my personal love language is physical touch.  When I am not hugged or touched I don’t feel loved.  However, I was born into an extremely large family (with 16 uncles and 8 aunts) where most folks ain’t touchy feely.  So I had to turn to God and recieve a stronger intimacy with Him where I can feel His love.  Next I had to be very introspective, exploring me.  I found that sometimes my desire for people was my way of avoiding my own stuff (i.e., hurt, sin, doubt, loss, failures, etc).  So I had to deal with me and love me first.  Then I developed very stong connections with the family members that are huggers and I had to get huggy touchy homegirls  (not romantically) who like being hugged just as much as me.  That does not erase my desire for a mate it just gives me a stability in my intimacy so that even when I am married, I am not love starved if my husband is not available to me.

To find your love language visit:  http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/

Truth is the gift of single is sometimes a gift we want to return but, we need to appreciate all that it builds us into, the best we that we can possibly be. 😀   Aight then.  I am out until next monday.  God bless you and keep you and make His face shine upon you.

Love, Life and Learning to you,

Good